Watching Tony
by ytteb
Summary: Tony isn't himself and the team are concerned. Gibbs may have to forget he's a functional mute and do something about it. Most of the team involved at some point.


Gloom and despondency had been following Special Agent Tony DiNozzo for weeks. If Special Agent Gibbs had been imaginative, (which he would have strongly denied) he would have thought he could see a black cloud hovering over his senior agent and occasionally delivering a good drenching of cold wet rain.

Certainly nothing seemed to be going right for Tony but whether this was the cause or the effect of his gloom wasn't clear. The eagerly anticipated new movie from Tony's favourite director was labelled weak and over-sentimental with appalling special effects. The Magnum lunch box bought for an extortionate amount of money from a DC flea market turned out to be a fake. Kate the goldfish was lethargic and off her food so he was paying regular visits to her veterinarian but so far without finding a cure. So the list went on; nothing earth shattering but all eating away at Tony's usual confident outlook on life and making him miserable.

Unfortunately a miserable Tony tended to make the rest of the team miserable too: not just because they were being empathetic but because this particular version of miserable Tony was also a surly and grumpy one. His co-workers found themselves remembering with nostalgia previous occasions when a sad Tony had nursed his woes silently and withdrawn into himself. This time around, Tony wasn't playing the strong silent card and nothing the team did seemed right.

Things came to a head when Tim McGee brought in breakfast drinks for everyone. Gibbs had given him a half smile as he smelt the extra strong coffee in the extra-large cup. Ziva had smiled her appreciation of the jasmine tea and, to start with, it seemed that Tony's cappuccino was perfect too.

"Thanks, McProvider," said Tony gratefully, "appreciate it," he removed the lid and looked at the top, "and you remembered the chocolate powder," he added. Tim breathed a sigh of relief, he had forgotten the chocolate dusting a couple of days before and the fallout had not been pleasant. He turned towards his desk but then stopped in his tracks when Tony hissed,

"Is this full-fat milk?"

"Uh, yes," said McGee, "why? Is that wrong?"

"You heard Ducky yesterday, didn't you? When my blood test came back and he said my cholesterol was high?"

"Yes?" said McGee in a so-what voice.

"You're the scientist, Mc … Mc something. High cholesterol means less dairy. I'd have thought you'd have known that."

"And what would you have said if I'd brought you a low fat version," said McGee crossly, "you would have accused me of interfering. You'd have called me McNanny!"

Ziva and Gibbs held their breath as they waited to see how Tony would respond, hoping it wouldn't involve the cup of hot cappuccino being tipped down Tim's shirt. A couple of tense seconds followed and then Tony huffed a laugh,

"McNanny. I'll remember that one. I'm sorry, Tim. It's not your fault my arteries are being clogged up by a 'lifetime of pizza and unwise dietary choices'. I shouldn't take it out on you."

Tim grinned as he recognised Ducky's admonitory words of the previous day and decided not to take offence,

"Hey," he said, "Ducky said I had the lung capacity of someone twice my age and I needed to increase my cardio activity if I didn't want to be pensioned off before I hit forty."

Tony grimaced but said gamely, "So that's why you went to _O'beans_ for the drinks."

"Yep, further to walk _and_ up a hill."

"Proud of you, Tim," said Tony, "seems the Boss is the only one who passed his physical with flying colours. Well done, Boss," and he raised his cup in an ironic salute.

"I hope that's low fat milk in that cup," said Ducky arriving at an inopportune moment and spoiling the harmonious atmosphere.

Tony paused as he put the drink to his lips, "Er, no, Ducky."

"Really, Anthony, didn't you pay any attention to what I said to you yesterday?" said Ducky crossly, "I would have thought as a former athlete you would care about your body!"

"Sorry, Ducky," said Tony quietly, "I'll go and throw it away." He walked away to the break room. A satisfied Ducky watched him go but then turned to see reproachful eyes fixed on him.

"Ducky, I brought Tony the cappuccino," admitted Tim, "and I forgot about the full-fat thing."

"And he actually apologised to Tim for snapping at him," said Ziva, "he almost made a joke too."

Ducky looked at Gibbs for confirmation but just received an eloquent shrug.

"Well," said Ducky deciding to stick to his guns, "what's important is that Anthony didn't drink it." He gave a half-hearted glare to anyone who met his gaze and left the squad room. A few minutes passed and Tony didn't come back so, with a sigh, Gibbs went to the break room where he found Tony fiddling with the coffee machine,

"Hey, Boss," he said, "thought I'd make another pot of coffee. That cup won't last you long," he finished with a nervous giggle.

"Thanks," said Gibbs, "you all right?"

"Sure," said Tony, "it always gives me a boost to find out my body's giving out on me and to hear our medical expert call me a '_former_ athlete'".

"Don't think Ducky meant anything by it," said Gibbs.

"Blood tests don't lie," said Tony, "and have you ever known Ducky say something he doesn't mean?"

"What's wrong, Tony?" asked Gibbs.

"You heard, my cholesterol is up and I'm a _former_ athlete."

"Before that," said Gibbs, "you've been off for weeks."

"Just stuff, Boss," said Tony evasively, "you know, the things that happen to mere mortals like us."

"Tony …" pressed Gibbs.

"It's nothing, Boss," said Tony, "really."

Gibbs stared at him but Tony managed to hold his gaze. Finally Gibbs gave up, "OK, if you say so."

"I do."

"Then I expect you to behave professionally," said Gibbs, "whatever's _not_ worrying you – leave it at home and don't take it out on your co-workers."

"Right, Boss, on it, Boss."

NCISNCIS

The days that followed were slightly surreal for the MCRT. As always, Tony followed Gibbs' orders and was cheerful and co-operative with the team and there was no more grumpiness or loss of temper. He did his work efficiently and well but something still seemed to be off. It was as if he was only 95% there. He made the occasional movie reference or inappropriate joke but it seemed as if he did so because it was expected of him and he should make the effort. It was impossible to criticise anything he did but even the Director noticed that the agent he understood least (and disapproved of most) was not at full power. Leon was surprised to find himself regretting the change.

Gibbs just watched and waited, unsure what more he could do after his failed attempt to get through to Tony. He hoped that Tony would come to terms with whatever was bothering him and he would get his senior field agent back again.

In the meantime, aware that Ziva and McGee were slightly thrown by the change in dynamic, Gibbs made an effort to try and bolster their confidence by praising them more than usual. As it happened, this was not too difficult as the MCRT had a run of cases which used their skills in particular.

There was the case which was solved largely because of Ziva's language skills which she topped off by chasing after the suspect and bringing him down with a spectacular drop kick. Then there was a case which involving manipulation of software where McGee identified the crook through his analysis and then devised a way of entrapping him. Tony played his part in both cases with interviews and background searches but it was the junior agents who made the breakthroughs. Tony praised Ziva and Tim for their roles and listened calmly as the Director told them he would be placing commendations in their files but Gibbs noticed that his eyes were looking slightly past them as if he was detaching himself in some way.

Ziva and McGee suggested a team get together as a way of celebrating the successful conclusion to the cases. Gibbs waited to see how Tony would react before he decided whether to accept the invitation. As part of 'new, improved DiNozzo', Gibbs expected that Tony would agree to the celebration but he was wrong.

"Can't tonight," he said, "got to take Kate to the veterinarian's office. She thinks she may know what's wrong with her."

"Oh," said Tim disappointedly, "we could go another night?"

"Yes," said Ziva, "it would not be the same without you, Tony. We will not have anyone to charm an extra pitcher of beer from the waitress."

"I'm sure the Boss could oblige in the charming stakes," said Tony, "tell you what, I'll see if I can catch up with you later."

"I'll text you," said McGee.

"Sure, whatever," said Tony as he picked up his backpack and left.

"We will not be seeing him, will we?" said Ziva.

"No," agreed McGee, "I know, I'll get Abby to text him where we are. He won't say no to her."

"Who won't say no to me?" asked Abby arriving at that moment.

"Tony. We're going out tonight but Tony was playing a bit hard to get," said Ziva, "Tim had the braincurl to suggest getting you to tell him where we are."

"Wave," said Tim.

Ziva waved her hand at him with a puzzled look on her face. Abby giggled, "It's brain_wave_ not curl," she explained, "you know it's Tony's birthday coming up soon. I hope he cheers up soon otherwise his party's going to be a real dud."

"At least it's not going to be his fortieth again," said McGee, "although that one went better than I'd expected but in his current mood …"

Ziva and Abby nodded. Tony's milestone birthday the year before had been surprisingly exuberant and the birthday boy had been seemingly quite relaxed about being forty.

"We'll have to start planning," said Abby, "you know how excited Tony gets about birthdays. It will be a way of showing him that we care."

"We can begin tonight," said Ziva, "as I do not think Tony will be making an appearance. Gibbs, are you coming?"

"Nope," said Gibbs, "gotta wash my hair. Have a good one. See ya tomorrow," and he was gone.

"I do not understand," said Ziva, "how long does it take Gibbs to wash his hair?"

Abby and McGee chuckled as they hustled Ziva towards the elevator, "We'll explain on the way," said Abby.

NCISNCIS

Tony hadn't been home long when his doorbell rang. Hoping it wasn't his co-workers come to drag him out to enjoy himself, he peered through the spy hole and was surprised to see Gibbs standing there.

"Boss," he said as he opened the door, "what are you doing here?"

"Come to see you, DiNozzo. How's Kate?"

"Lissa thinks she knows what's wrong," said Tony, "I've got some stuff to put in her bowl."

"Lissa?"

"The veterinarian," explained Tony.

"Want a hand putting the stuff in the bowl?" asked Gibbs.

Tony stared at him but then said, "Sure, come in. It can be tricky opening a bottle and pouring liquid into water. Might need your expertise."

Gibbs nodded agreeably as if Tony had spoken without a hint of sarcasm. He walked in and sat on Tony's couch.

"I'll have a coffee, thanks," he announced.

"What you doing here, Boss? I thought you'd be out with the wunderkind."

"Told them I had to wash my hair," said Gibbs deadpan.

Tony gazed a little dumbstruck at the thought of Gibbs doing anything with his hair that took more than two minutes.

"You know, they'd believe _me_ if I said that, but somehow marine brutalism style doesn't shout out that it needs a whole evening to achieve."

Gibbs shrugged as if to suggest that his haircut had hidden depths but then went on, "I thought I'd look on in them later. We can go together."

"Aah," said Tony, "I thought I'd give it a miss. Want to look after Kate. Don't want her to be on her own if she has a reaction to the new medicine."

"Wunderkind," said Gibbs ignoring Tony's excuses about poorly fish, "is this what it's all about?"

"It?" asked Tony, "don't know what you're talking about, Boss."

"Cut it out, Tony," said Gibbs, "something's been wrong for weeks and I want to know what it is."

"Hey," protested Tony, "I've been doing my job. You told me to be professional, and I have been. I haven't been miserable, I've done what you told me."

"True," said Gibbs, "but there's still something wrong. You said 'wunderkind' just now. What did you mean?"

"It means wonder child, prodigy," said Tony.

"I know what it means, Tony. Answer the question."

"What's the question?" evaded Tony.

"Are you jealous of McGee and Ziva?"

"Is the 'former athlete' jealous that the ninja can ran so fast? Is the person who can't speak ten languages envious of someone who can? Is someone who still doesn't really grasp what binary is jealous of McGee who probably dreams in it? Is the agent who doesn't match Vance's picture of a federal agent envious of those who do?" said Tony.

"Well, are you?" asked Gibbs.

There was a moment or two of silence as Tony concentrated on pouring the liquid into Kate's bowl.

"No, I'm not," he said finally, "I believe in team work, a mix of skill sets. It's what makes us good at what we do."

"Good," said Gibbs, "cos the Director thinks you and me are the same type of agent. May not be his ideal but he respects that."

"Oh," said Tony clearly digesting this idea.

"And," continued Gibbs, "Ziva and McGee wouldn't be the agents they are without you on the team."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" asked Tony semi-seriously.

"Good thing," said Gibbs firmly, "you've helped shape them just as much as I have. And those cases? Ziva ran after that suspect but she knew you had her back; she was able to go full out and take a risk because she knew you were there if it went wrong. And that computer geeky case? It was you doing the interviews and background stuff that gave McGee the time to get on with what he did."

Tony nodded, "Thanks, Boss. But I'm not jealous of them."

"So what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on," said Tony.

Gibbs just stared at him, deciding that perhaps the glare would be most effective. It seemed to work as after a minute or so, Tony said,

"It's nothing specific, Gibbs. Things not going right, things being disappointing, things not happening."

"If you'd been like this last year, I'd have understood a bit more," said Gibbs.

"Boss?"

"Turning forty," said Gibbs, "I kinda expected you to be down about that but you were fine."

"Well," said Tony thoughtfully, "I guess that's part of it. All the build up to the big four-oh. 'Life begins' and so on … and …"

"And?"

"And, well it didn't. Things went on just as they did before."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"I know it's just a number and doesn't really mean anything," said Tony, "but after all the excitement died down, I started thinking about everything I thought I'd have done by the time I was _middle-aged. _You know, marriage, kids, perhaps being a retired sports star. Who knows?"

"Not me," said Gibbs.

"You know, you read about people who turn their lives around when they hit forty. It's inspiring really, but me, what did I do? I just carried on like I was before, felt as if I was treading water. Then little things went wrong."

"Like the Magnum lunch box?"

"Yeah. How pathetic was that? Getting wound up because someone sold me a fake?"

"You did more than get wound up," pointed out Gibbs, "you reported him to the authorities and got him shut down. He's not going to swindle anyone else."

"Don't get mad, get even. Should be a rule," said Tony.

"You did good," said Gibbs firmly.

"I guess so," said Tony, "everything just seemed bleah, pointless."

"It happens," said Gibbs.

"And then," said Tony hesitantly, "promise you won't laugh?"

"Nope," said Gibbs, "might not be able to help it. But I'll listen. Will that do?"

"Guess so," agreed Tony. "I heard from Maura Thomas."

"Who's Maura Thomas?"

"She was in the same year as me at OSU. Six months younger than me. We hung out a bit, were good friends."

"So?" asked Gibbs, fearing he was about to hear of a tragic death.

"She sent me an invitation to her wedding."

"Oh," said Gibbs, "and that's bad?"

"Not for her," said Tony.

"You wanted to marry her?" asked Gibbs.

"Not particularly," confessed Tony, "but I thought I would."

"You've lost me," said Gibbs, "why did you think you'd marry her if you didn't want to?"

"Lots of people do it," said Tony, "they say to a friend that if neither of them are married by the time they're forty, they'll marry each other. Maura was mine. And now she's getting married."

Gibbs continued to look blank so Tony continued, "I hadn't really thought about it since we graduated but when I got the wedding invitation I felt as if I'd lost something. Maura was – is – a sweet girl but she never seemed to get close to getting married and now, she has. I'm the last one of my frat brothers or college friends not to be married, Gibbs."

"How many of them are _still _married?"

"Good point," said Tony, "three are on their second or third marriage and a couple are divorced and now single."

"Doesn't sound so bad to me that you're single," observed Gibbs.

"With all due respect, Boss, I'm not sure you're the right person to give me advice about marriage."

"Tony, you can't compare yourself with other people. Do you think they're any happier than you?"

"I think some of them are," said Tony, "but … perhaps not all of them."

"You said you're not jealous of McGee and Ziva," said Gibbs.

"I'm not."

"And that's because you don't really compare yourself to them, you know you're different, that you bring different things to the team. So don't compare yourself with your old friends either."

"Less of the old, please, Boss."

"You know what I mean, Tony. I know 'pull yourself together' isn't very helpful advice but try to get a bit of perspective. See what's good in your life. And if you need to, think of what you can change – if you really want to."

"Do you want me to leave NCIS?"

"No," said Gibbs, "but I don't think you'd have any trouble getting a job in another agency."

"What as?"

"Tony!" said Gibbs in exasperation, "don't make me head slap you in your own apartment!"

"You have a rule about that?" said Tony jokingly.

"Fornell thinks highly of you. Tom Morrow knows what you can do. Borin would put in a word for you with the Coastguard. You've worked well with the whole alphabet of agencies."

"Except the CIA," pointed out Tony.

"One exception isn't bad," said Gibbs, "Tony, you work well with other people. You'd get another job."

"You sure you don't want me to leave?" asked Tony, "because you're beginning to sound like a head-hunter."

"No, I don't want you to leave," said Gibbs.

"Then why are you saying all this?"

"Because I want my senior field agent back," said Gibbs, "but he seems to have got lost somewhere."

"I'm sorry," said Tony.

"I don't want you to be sorry," said Gibbs, "I want you to realise that you're an important part of the team – in ways we can't measure until they're not there."

"Oh," said Tony in a pleased voice.

"Because your co-workers care enough about you to be already planning your birthday party."

"Really?" said Tony, "because I could come up with some pretty cool ideas if they need them."

"There's a surprise," said Gibbs drily.

"Thanks, Boss, it means a lot, you saying all this. You know I don't think I've ever heard you say this much at one sitting."

"I've used up my quota," agreed Gibbs.

"Understood."

"This is for you," said Gibbs, fishing out a small package from his pocket and handing it to Tony.

"It's not my birthday," said Tony in surprise even as he took the parcel.

"I know," said Gibbs, "I've been waiting for the right time to give it to you, now seems as good as time as any. Go on, open it."

Tony took the brown paper off, thinking as he did so that only Gibbs would wrap a present in a recycled envelope but then he gasped as he saw the contents.

"Boss, this is beautiful. I can't take this."

Gibbs gave his characteristic shrug, "that case a few months back when Diane popped up. She brought it back to me. It was my grandfather's pocket watch; he had it from his grandfather. It's over a hundred years old, still works."

"Boss, I can't take this."

"Why not?"

"Why me?"

"I'm not doing anything with it," said Gibbs, "it's time it moved on."

"What about McGee? He'd get a real kick out of it, you know how he likes to write on his old typewriter, think of the atmosphere he could create with this. Or Abby? She'd wear it as a pendant or something. Or Ziva? She'd love to have something from you. Ducky would really appreciate it too. Or Fornell, he's your oldest friend."

"You don't want it?" said Gibbs.

Tony rubbed his fingers gently over the gold case, "I didn't say that, Boss. I don't understand, why me? Why do you want to give it to me?"

"Was a time I thought I'd pass it on to Kelly or perhaps to a son. That never happened. You understand now?"

"Yes, Boss. Thank you, Boss. I'll treasure it. And perhaps one day, I'll have someone to pass it on to."

"Good," said Gibbs in relief, "cos I'm all talked out. Come on, we'd better go and find the rest of the team before they come and knock your door down."

"Right," said Tony, "about that. D'you think they'd mind if I brought Lissa along with us?"

"The veterinarian?"

"Yeah, we've bonded a bit over Kate."

Gibbs laughed. Perhaps DiNozzo was on his way back.

_AN – I recently watched the 'Devil's Triangle' episode in which Diane returns Gibbs' pocket watch and I wondered what he would do with it._


End file.
